Uneven ardor
It’s wonderful when dating someone who has the same level of infatuation you do. It’s fabulous to both feel similarly smitten.
However, my experience is it isn’t that common to feel equal adoration. One of you is typically more entranced than the other.
When it’s you who’s head-over-heels and he’s not feeling it to the same degree, you can feel embarrassed at your infatuation. You tend to be the one who initiates conversations and encounters, or at least the overtures are weighted to your side. You hear yourself asking him, “When will I see you again,” although you know that sounds clingy and needy — you can’t seem to help yourself.
If he’s the one who’s beguiled, you can still be embarrassed. His frequent calls to say he’s thinking of you, his flow of emails, IMs or texts telling you how beautiful, wonderful, and/or sexy you are can be overwhelming, even if they don’t reach stalker velocity. His showering you with flowers or gifts is touching and sweet, but when you know you don’t feel similarly, they can be hard to accept.
I once dated a man for 3 months who wanted us to move in together. Because of distance, we only saw each other a few days every two weeks. I felt I barely knew him, although we talked and emailed often in between assignations. He would bring or send me a small gift every week. Even when I was traveling, he’d have something delivered to my room. I was fond of him, yet not in love. Finally, I had to pull the plug as I saw it was unfair to him to keep accepting his affection and gifts when I was not feeling myself falling for him and did not honestly feel I would.
Have you been in a lopsided relationship? What did you do to either even it out or get out?
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